*smiles, tilting into her hand with almost doggish happiness* Indeed I am. No random demon who sees your medal and is so overcome with jealousy that they try to steal me away using movie tactics is ever going to succeed.
What if they try to steal you with other tactics, sweetie? *mock horror, twirls her hair around her fingers* Would that work, pray tell?
"Isn’t it?" Raph shot back with a happy smile, leaning over to peck the tip of her nose in return. "I mean, it’s so real I can feel the bed dipping down where you’re sitting next to me!"
Kay giggled, tilting her head playfully at him. “That’s amazing,” she said with mock wonder. “Anything else you can feel?” Grinning, she kissed him softly and let her breath rush out against his lips as her hand crept along the bed and then over his knee, coming to a rest there.
"Feeling that someone else is here?" Raph suggested, pressing his wings harder against her face. "Feeling that I’m here, being able to relax and hide from everything for a little while?” He rearranged his limbs, looping both arms around her waist and pulling her closer still, and took a quiet breath.
"It makes me feel better, too," he added after a moment, closing his eyes and forcing the tension to drain away from him as he breathed, holding her as carefully and closely as he could, arms trembling slightly.
Kay smiled very faintly at that, and let herself slump down against him, her limbs relaxing.
"Wings," she said quietly, insistently. "You do me too much credit sometimes, you know." She sighed faintly, then shifted her arms to wrap around his neck, and with a gesture, sent the curtains pulling shut again, the room descending into comfortable gloom.
Raph tucked his head against hers, wings tightening around her until they rose and fell with every breath she took. “We keep going the way we have been, I suppose,” he murmured, breath hitching and his hand clenching into a fist against her back as a sudden thought struck him. “As- as long as you still want me here with you, I mean, we just- just keep looking for them, I guess, looking for any information on Chaos that we can, keep building as many wards around the apartment as we can. You keep working with your hair; I keep healing humans at hospitals. We- we live, I suppose.”
He gave a short, half-hearted laugh, shaking his head against hers. “There’s not really anything else we can do, is there?”
Kay nodded quietly, hiding her face somewhere into the hollow of his shoulder and pressing closer, comforted by the blanket of feathers around her. “Yeah, I guess,” she managed, swallowing and trying to breathe slow and deep to calm herself down.
She was silent for a moment, then shifted until she’d climbed into his lap, legs draped over him and arms wrapped around him, and hid her face against his feathers again.
"…Funny how this always makes me feel better," she murmured after a moment, nuzzling into them.
Swallowing, Raph shifted around, keeping his arm steady against her head but rotating until he could wind the other one around her shoulders and, as an afterthought, remembering that he still had his wings out and drawing them around her as well.
"It- It’s okay," he murmured, tucking his head closer to hers. "I- I don’t want to, either. Imagine it or do it, I mean." He took a shuddering breath, feeling the gaping hole in the conversation… not close, exactly, but smooth out, grow smaller and easier to avoid, and feeling his footing grow steadier in turn. "I- I’m sorry, too. I- This has all been a lot, right after waking up, and there are… there would have been better times to talk about all of this.”
Kay gave a quiet whimper and shook her head, shifting to hide her face against his shoulder, comforted by the shade of his wings. “Doesn’t matter,” she muttered, voice muffled against him. “It’s… it’s done now. Here we are. What do- what do we do now, then?” she asked, voice rising ever so faintly in query.
Leaning into her touch, Raph made a quietly pained whimper, dashing away the tears with the back of his hand. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said, looking up at her, and carefully brought his own hand up to catch hers. “I didn’t mean to turn this around on me. But- but yeah, that’s- that sounds like a good plan.”
She shook her head and made a quiet shushing noise, swallowing again. “That’s- that- you’re not, not turning it around, I just- this is such a disaster.” She hissed out a breath, scooting closer while keeping her hand on his shoulder, then turning it ever so slightly to let the tips of her fingers brush the inside of his palm. “I’m- I believe you, okay? I’m sorry I- I’m sorry I doubted you like that when you were being.. serious.” She swallowed hard, eyes unfocused as she gathered her thoughts. “It’s just- just hard to… imagine you like.. that. I don’t know if I want t- Hell, I’m pretty damn sure I don’t want to. As much as I hate them, i-” she trailed off, uncertain.
What could she say? Much as she hated them, she could never want Raph to go there? But would that be so true? She knew, deep down, a tiny and shameful and vindictive part of her, how much she’d craved it sometimes, seeing that irritating little blank slate of his get well and truly dirty, have him see the things she’s seen and feel the things she’s felt until he knew what it was like rather than just feeling sorry for her, but-
"…I’m sorry," she muttered helplessly for lack of anything else she could be truly sincere about. Screwing her eyes shut, she gave a pained, strangled little sound and scooted closer to him again, and leaned in to hide her face against his arm.
Raph swallowed, wrapping his arms around his legs as he drew them up to his chest, searching for even a bit of warmth in the sudden chill of realizing just how badly he had fucked up. “I- I’m sorry,” he said again, voice cracking. “I don’t- I’d never want to do it, and I know you’d never want me to do it. I just. I can’t stand the idea of you being hurt.”
He took a shuddering breath, gasping and grasping for air, and squinted his eyes closed, trying to push away the tears. “I’m sorry.”
Kay made a pained little noise of sympathy, unable to cope with seeing him like that. “Hey, hey, that’s- that makes two of us,” she joked stiffly, unable to say herself which of his words she was replying to. “You don’t have to, you won’t ever have to, yeah? I’m not- not going to let myself get hurt either.” She swallowed, leaning closer and reaching out to awkwardly pat his shoulder as she spoke.
Wincing, he pulled back in turn, hunching his shoulders to give her all the space she needed and wanted. “I’m- You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s- We’ve just had a really, really, incredibly shitty start to the day,” he said, groping about for a way - any way - to make that strung-out note in her voice fade away into calmness. “I- I didn’t-“
He fumbled off into silence, staring at her with a torn, worried expression and all but wringing his hands.
"I didn’t mean to scare you," he finished in a whisper, when he finally found words to cover the very base, surface of the thoughts whirling around his head like a hurricane.
Kay made a gruff, exasperated noise, shaking her head and wrapping her arms more tightly around herself.
"Didn’t mean to-" she started repeating,t hen cut herself off. Biting her lip, she stared at him, her voice trembling as it rose in volume. "Do you- do you honestly think I’d want something like that to happen to you, for you to- to do things like that? Do you actually think I’d want that?” She had to stop, catch her breath, beset by uninvited memories of people she’d know, a long long long time ago, before the Fall, and what had happened when they’d started enjoying using their skills on others just a little too much. Her heart hammering, she focused her eyes on him again and swallowed harshly. “D-do you even have any idea what you sound like, right now?”
He swallowed, biting his lip as he met her eyes almost hesitantly, deathly afraid that he’d been too blunt, and words came tumbling out of him as he tried to explain things to her.
"I- I’m the Healer, and I’m in charge of lovers, but I also- one of my other duties is being patron of nightmares. And I- I don’t want to have much to do with nightmares, have tried to push that part away as much as I could, but.” He looked down, unable to keep meeting her eyes, as pained as they were, and instead watched his fingers slowly tracing patterns on the back of her hand. “If it were the only way to keep you safe, to keep you from being hurt for my fuck-ups and things that were done to me… I would. I- I love you too much not to. I- I won’t, not if you don’t want me to, but if you let me, I’ll protect you to the ends of the earth.”
She did pull her hand away, then, a thoughtless and impulsive motion, and wrung her hands absently as she stared at him. “Is that- is that supposed to make me feel better?” she asked bluntly, voice harsh with disbelief.. “You- ” she made a frustrated sound and gestured wildly to compensate. “You talking about- about not letting things get that way, about using your healing to hurt people, about burning people with it, about the- about nightmares, do you have any idea-“
She hissed out a breath, her heart hammering as she shook her head. “Forget me, you don’t sound anything like yourself!!” she stammered, eyes wide as she stared at him,.
Raph frowned, the edge of steel dissolving into his normal blanket-like desire to wrap around and comfort, make the world just a little bit better. “Kay?” he asked, leaning back just a bit to give her space even as he wrapped his hand more surely around her. “I’m- If that was too much, I’m sorry. I just- I wanted to, to show you that. That I’m done letting myself get tied up in politics and being dragged to the side while you’re being hurt. I-“
He bit his lip, tamping down the rest of the flow of words that wanted to come tumbling out of him like a waterfall of reassurances that would only drown her if she was half as panicked as she looked, and settled for squeezing her hand lightly, still watching her with his eyebrows drawn together in worry.
Her face crumpled, the hand in his almost twitching away for a moment. He ‘just’ wanted to show her that- What? ‘Just’, like it was nothing, like it wasn’t the complete polar opposite of the kind of person she’d thought him to be, had relied on him being - but really, that said more about her than about him, didn’t it?
"…You… what?" she managed, eyes pained and hesitant as she slowly looked up at him, her hand still clenched into that tight little fist.